Jack Sparrow (Featuring Michael Bolton)

Are you a fan of SNL? Are you a fan of Michael Bolton? Are you a fan of Pirates of the Caribbean?

If you answered no to those questions, this post is not for you.

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, stay tuned, you're in for a real treat.

Now, I don't know how long this has been floating around the internet, but I just came across it this morning and I had to watch it and then re-watch it a few more times before I could stop laughing.

Best part: When he kisses the bird. 

Oh yeah!

So I didn't have much info on  this video, so I turned to my trusty old pal Internet and came across this great interview with Michael Bolton on what he thought of the whole thing.

Is Michael Bolton now the coolest rock star on the planet thanks to the crooner’s game turn in this weekend’s Saturday Night Live digital short, “Jack Sparrow”?
Maybe not, but Bolton’s performance as a movie-obsessed version of himself who hilariously ruins the Lonely Island crew’s hip-hop track by singing about Pirates of the Caribbean, Forrest Gump, Erin Brockovich, and Scarface has definitely cranked up his cool quotient.
The short has also turned him into an unlikely Internet phenomenon. After the jump, Bolton talks about his collaboration with Lonely Island-ers Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone and Akiva Schaffer, his new CD of duets, and why he won’t be dressing in drag again any time soon.


Entertainment Weekly: How did the digital short come about?
Michael Bolton: The Lonely Island guys reached out to my management and said they wanted to do this. I said, “I love those guys. But what are they thinking?” I was automatically scanning through my memory banks of the most wicked language and visuals. You want to work with guys like this. But at the same time I get invitations to perform at the Vatican! [Laughs] It could be potentially uncomfortable. And in the first few approaches some of the language was just so intense and off-color.

Could you give an example of that?
I can’t! [Laughs] Not right now. If you’ve seen the Natalie Portman sketch you know their brand is shock-funny, in that order. They love to get you where you just can’t believe what you’re looking at and then hit you with the funny. I’ve been all about humor and all about laughing since I was a kid. That’s just who I am. I’ve been kicked out of every class. Andy and I were talking about that. Neither one of us had our Bar Mitzvah because we couldn’t take Hebrew school seriously.

You could have a joint one now!
Now, there’s a funny video right there. That’s something I would need to talk to Andy about. But they were sending me lyrics and I was reading them and I was thinking, “This is funny.” Then I’d get to another line that I really wish I could share with you right now, but I just can’t. I would say, “Nope, I don’ t think I could be intoxicated enough to read this line.” It kept transforming. And they really wanted me to do it. Because they could have just said at any point, “Nah, you’re going to take the funny out of it, you’re going to take the shock value out of it.” Finally, I said “This is great. But can we still take a look at some of this language, because I’m still not comfortable. Scarface is Scarface. He can say pretty much anything. As my own character, I just have a rough time wrapping my head around it.”

How much input did you have into the music? The hooks really are quite Bolton-esque.
They came up with the music. They created this big giant hook. I’m sure they felt, “Hey, this is a Bolton kind of hook,” in their minds. I just sang it in a studio in Atlanta on a night off. The guys were on through Skype. They’re serious about their comedy but they’re really serious about the details. They were focused on the minutiae that great record producers focus on, not comedy writers. And I love seeing that work ethic. These guys were inspiring.

What was the shoot like?
They were 16 to 18 hour days, both days. There’s a tremendous amount of energy and focus that goes in to making these. And this one, they seemed to be going above and beyond. The shots of the ocean were at Brighton Beach and trucks descended and cranes came out. I thought, “Wow, these guys are making a movie here.” Now, it’s kind of gone off the charts. It’s the number one viewed clip around the world. I love the timing of it as well. Their CD is about to come out tomorrow. Then my CD, Gems, comes out June 21. I didn’t have a clue this would air so much or be received so well. My CD is an album of duets with people like Orianthi, and Delta Goodrem, and Seal, and Rascal Flatts. I don’t know if we’re going to have to put “Jack Sparrow” in the set.

Isn’t it too late to do that?
It’s too late to put it on this first initial pressing. It’s funny, the guys are talking about touring. They offered to come up on stage if we wanted to do it live. I said, “Be careful what you ask for, because I will take you up on that.”

You dressed in drag as Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich. I don’t think it’s an insult to suggest that you are a better looking man than you are a woman.
[Laughs] I was terrified to look in the mirror. I tried to avoid it. I noticed when they were finishing me up as Erin that the crew started reacting in this really uncomfortable way. As I walked past, people were clearly uncomfortable. At one point I was breastfeeding the baby. You didn’t see that, I don’t think.

There’s also a scene where, as Tony Montana, you’re surrounded by what I assume is fake cocaine.
I assure you that—aside from the fact that I don’t think any one of us would be around a pile of coke—that they didn’t have it in the budget for that to be anything but some sort of baking powder. But it was pretty funny. And that’s one of my favorite movies. That’s one of my favorite characters Pacino ever brought to life. It was another one where you knew you were going to get hard laughs, especially once my head got dropped into that pile, that mountain of cocaine.

How on earth can you sing along to lines like “Davy Jones!” or “Giant Squid!” while keeping a straight face?
You have to, that’s the whole thing. During the rehearsals, there were times when nobody could keep a straight face. But the whole thing only pays off if you keep a straight face and deliver from a seriously committed place, which was not a problem at all with Jack Sparrow and Scarface. With Erin, I just kind of wanted to get those clothes off and take a shower.

Are you actually a fan of the Pirates movies?
I enjoy them, I do. It’s been written many times that Johnny kind of created his character primarily from Keith Richards. He lives not far from me in Connecticut.

So next time you bump into him, are you going to mention that you did this?
I haven’t bumped into him yet. I have a feeling that there’s so much more that I would like to talk to him about, since I’m a Stones fan. When I was 13, the first time they came over to America, I went to see him at New Haven Arena. I have a feeling there’s going to be a lot of things to talk about. But I will get around to Captain Jack Sparrow. - Entertainment Weekly

And here are the awesome lyrics

Secretary: Guys, Michael Bolton is here

Oh Great, send him in.

Michael Bolton: Hey guys.

Hey, hi, thanks for coming

Michael Bolton: Sorry I'm late, I got caught up watching that Pirates of the Carribean marathon. Have you

seen those things?

Oh yeah, yeah, those are, those are great.

Michael Bolton: Well, I listened your track and I loved it. And I wrote you this big sexy hook I think

you're really gonna dig.

Oh wow that's great, awesome. Should we just lay it down?

Michael Bolton: Boys, lets get to it.

Whisper: Here we go.

Ungh, Lonely Island, Michael Bolton

YEAAAHH!

The night starts now

Together on the track, the boys are back

The night starts now

Night starts now baby roll with us, chickens snapping at the neck when we rollin' up.

ROLLIN' UP

Blow through the doors ain't no holdin' up

YEAH

Black card at the bar like I gives a fuck.

COME ON

Ladies shifty eyed when we walk into the set, fuck the fellas looking jealous play the back and get wet

YEAH YEAH

Three pound in my waist, shank in my sock, you either get cut, get stuffed or get shot.

THIS IS THE TALE OF CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW, PIRATE SO BRAVE ON THE SEVEN SEAS

What?

A MYSTICAL QUEST TO THE ISLE OF TORTUGA, RAVEN LOCKS SWAY ON THE OCEAN'S

BREEZE.

Yeah that was kinda weird, but we're back in the club

Buying up the bar so the groupies show us love

KIERA KNIGHTLY

Motherfucking ice-man, I'm the top gunner

Heater on blast, I'm the number one stunner

JACK SPARROW

Watch it girl cause I ain't your "Mr. Nice Guy",

More like the "meet ya take you home and fuck you twice guy"

YEAH YEAH!

All dressed up with nowhere to run,

And now I make you feel crazy with the…

NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART:

FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN, HE YEARNED FOR ADVENTURE

Nooo

OLD CAPTAIN JACK GIVING THEM WHAT FOR.

HE'S THE PAUPER OF THE SURF

(yeah…uh huh)

THE JESTER OF TORTUGA

(oh God)

BUT IS DAVY JONES' LOCKER WHAT LIES IN STORE?

Yeah, we've seen the movie

Throw your hands in the air and say hell yeah, come on

CAPTAIN JACK

What?

JOHNNY DEPP

No

From the front to the back say we count stacks come on

DAVY JONES

Nope

GIANT SQUID

Wrong

Michael Bolton we're really gonna need you to focus up

ROGER THAT LET ME TRY IT WITH ANOTHER FILM

Wait--

LIFE IS A BOX OF CHOCOLATES AND MY NAME IS FORREST GUMP

(Not better)

THOUGH I'M NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED, I GIVE JENNY ALL OF MY LOVE

(Come on!)

OK THEN I'M A LEGAL AIDE, ERIN BROCKOVICH IS MY NAME

(Nooo, God)

THEN YOU CAN CALL ME SCARFACE, SNORTIN MOUNTAINS OF COCAINE

(close enough)

YOU COCKROACHES WANNA PLAY ROUGH? OKAY, I'M RELOADED

THIS IS THE TALE OF TONY MONTANYA

CUBANO FLAME, WITH THE MIAMI NUTS

(Take it home!)

GOT A BASEHEAD WIFE, BUT HER WOMB IS POLLUTED

THIS WHOLE TOWN'S A PUSSY, JUST WAITING TO GET FUCKED!

Ooookay, turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile

YOU COMPLETE ME!

Yup, yeah, ok….

 

Star Wars: The Old Republic

Ah, the Old Republic... it's one of those places in Star Wars history that I know very little about. I've read a few comics and some Wookiepedia articles about it, but so far I just haven't gotten into it. But this game makes me want to, badly!

I've spent the last few days perusing the site for it and the more I see the more I want to play, which is really unlike me, because I don't tend to be a fan of mmorpg (thanks for ruining everything, Diablo!)
I also know that if I started playing this game, I would probably never stop.

Game Overview:

Play Star Wars™: The Old Republic™ and be the hero of your own Star Wars™ saga in a story-driven massively-multiplayer online game from BioWare and LucasArts.
Explore an age thousands of years before the rise of Darth Vader when war between
the Galactic Republic and the Sith Empire divides the galaxy.

Choose to be a Jedi, a Sith, or from a variety of other classic Star Wars roles, and make decisions which define your personal story and determine your path down the light or dark side of the Force. Along the way you will befriend courageous companions who will fight at your side or possibly betray you based on your actions. Together, you will battle enemies in dynamic Star Wars combat and team up with other players to overcome incredible challenges.

Join us. Your personal Star Wars saga begins in Star Wars: The Old Republic.

Game Setting:

Protected by the legendary Jedi Order, the Galactic Republic stood as a bastion of peace in the galaxy for a thousand generations. Several centuries ago, the greatest threat the galaxy has ever known emerged in the form of the dark Sith Empire. After a volatile war, the Republic emerged victorious and the Sith were assumed to be extinct. Nonetheless, the Jedi have maintained a constant vigil over the ancient Sith homeworld, Korriban, to protect the galaxy from the darkness that still resides in the planet's tombs.

Though a small group of survivors escaped to warn of the Imperial invasion, it was only a minor reprieve for the Republic. Korriban was one of several worlds to fall in the initial onslaught, and in the years that followed, the Republic suffered many more painful defeats. Emboldened by their numerous victories, the Empire soon moved to conquer the Core Worlds, luring the Republic fleet out of position and launching a surprise attack against the noble world of Alderaan.

The courageous stand on Alderaan rallied the spirits of Republic defenders across the galaxy, but the balance of the power remained in the Empire's favor. This only fueled the surprise felt when the Imperial Dark Council extended the offer to the Republic to engage in peace negotiations. Suspecting possible treachery, Republic officials agreed to meet on Alderaan, but insisted that the Jedi Order marshal all its resources to provide comprehensive security. The Jedi complied, sending most senior members of the Order to Alderaan, and leaving only a token force in the Temple on Coruscant...

After destroying the Jedi Temple and overwhelming the Republic's defenses, Imperial forces occupied Coruscant, holding the planet hostage while negotiations restarted on Alderaan. With their capital at stake, Republic officials had little choice but to agree to the Empire's terms.
The Treaty of Coruscant was signed, forcing the Republic to cede control of several star systems and to acknowledge new boundaries of Imperial dominion. Though the treaty brought about an official end to the war, tensions between the two sides have remained high over the last several years, and now, a return to open war seems all but inevitable...

Poor Alderaan, that place never gets a break. I mean, a jedi/sith war and then getting blown up after they finally get back to normal.

I also find it fascinating that they had trooper armor in the old republic. I was under the impression that the clone trooper armor was based on Jango Fett's Mandolorian armor. Then again, that trooped looks suspiciously like a clone. Perhaps he found a worm hole into the past and ended up in the old republic? Who knows? Not me, that's for sure. I guess I'll have to wait and play to find out.

10 Easy Ways to Get the "Leia Look"

  Ever wanted to look like Princess Leia? I know I have. But who has time in these busy days to go to the gym or grow your hair that long just so you can do her ridiculously awesome hairstyles? Death Star PR feels your pain and wants to make it easier for you. All you have to do is follow these 10 easy steps.

10 Easy Ways to Get the  "Leia Look"

Whether she's helping to blow up Death Stars or mercilessly killing Stormtroopers with unerring accuracy, one thing's for sure: Princess Leia Organa is one sexy terrorist. If you want to look like the galaxy's most wanted style icon this season, just follow these ten simple steps to get the "Leia Look".

10) Staple cinnamon buns to your head

Everybody's doing it. You don't want to be left out, do you? And hey, if it's good enough for a Princess, it's sure as Hoth good enough for you.

9) Enjoy a rejuvenating bath

Forget mud baths and cucumber masks, Princess Leia maintains her youthful appearance via a radical new beauty regime: spending time in trash compactors. Bathing in raw sewerage while being slowly compressed to death in exfoliating garbage might seem a bit extreme at first, but Leia's flawless skin speaks for itself. As an added bonus, high pressure life and death situations are a great way to meet that special someone.

8) The Rebellion effect

Even the worst looking person in the entire galaxy will be instantly transformed into a radiant goddess of beauty and light if you're one of only two women in your entire organisation (i.e. you work at a "Sausage Sizzle"). Who would your average scruffy looking nerf herder choose: The creepy old guy in the robe? The whiny farm kid? The giant angry space bear? No way. (Not unless it gets really cold.) Suddenly the overbearing, disturbingly short lady with the weird hair in the form fitting white outfit is looking pretty damn good, isn't she?

7) Get back to nature

Stripping your life back to the bear bare essentials is a surefire way to bring out a more natural, more beautiful you. The fresh air and sunlight you soak up during speeder bike chases will help replenish your mind and soul, and nothing beats the adrenalin rush of surviving high speed bike crashes. Also, let's be honest, being fawned over by feral mutant teddy bears can be a great ego boost.

6) Date a douchebag

Dating a space pirate douchebag isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it does have its advantages. His inability to say, "I love you", and commit to the relationship will keep you in a state of constant anxiety, making it difficult to overindulge on food, or happiness. As if that's not enough, regularly saving him from Stormtroopers or posing as a suicide bomber in order to rescue him from the clutches of enterprising space businessmen will keep you active and ensure there's never a dull moment in your terrible relationship.

5) Take some "you" time

In an Imperial detention block. In between stealing secret plans, plotting the deaths of millions of innocent people on the Death Star and fighting the strange attraction you feel towards your brother, it's almost impossible to find time to just focus on yourself. Thankfully, there's nothing quite like spending time in solitary confinement to help you catch up on some much needed beauty sleep. Not to mention the constant fear of being tortured and/or killed might really help you review your life choices and find inner peace, which is the best way to bring back that inner glow.

4) Have a goal outfit

If you're having trouble finding the motivation to get buff, why not set yourself a goal outfit for that holiday on that secluded desert planet you've been planning for years but never gotten around to? And remember the golden goal outfit rule: the more ridiculously skimpy, incredibly impractical and made of metal your outfit is, the greater your incentive to succeed.

3) Be pursued by a Galactic Empire

A high intensity cardio workout is a great way to blast away the winter flab, but an even better way to stay fit is to be relentlessly pursued by the armed forces of a galaxy-spanning evil Empire. If running away from Stormtroopers, escaping space battles and generally just constantly fearing for your life doesn't keep your heart rate up in the fat burning zone, nothing will!

2) Choose the right job

How many times have you seen somebody gets a cushy office job in front of a computer with a food court nearby and before you know it, they've packed on 30kgs? Not Princess Leia. Whether she's leading the Rebellion from the front lines of the command centre far away from the actual battle, or working as a Slave Girl in Jabba's Palace, Leia chooses physically and mentally demanding jobs that help keep her fit. Remember: murdering giant defenseless space slugs by choking them to death is great resistance training!

1) Have an Awesome Dad

Ultimately, the two most attractive things in the galaxy are brains and confidence. And they both begin at home, with the love and support of your friends and family. Leia's father, Darth Vader, was born a slave on a desert planet, but his daughter grew up to be a Princess, a Jedi Knight and eventual Chief of State of the New Republic. All after his wife, Padmé, died. It isn't always easy to be smart, self-assured and driven, but when you have an the best single dad ever to love and support and occasionally-blow-up-your-home-planet-to-teach-you-a-valuable-life-lesson you, anything is possible. 

Now isn't that simple? You can now be the best Leia you can be. I can't wait to get started, so I've off to strangle some giant Space Slugs before my trash compactor spa treatment.

New Her Universe Shirts!!

By now you must all know that I love Her Universe and everything that it stands for. If you don't, well, you really haven't been paying attention, have you?

Out of all the Her Universe merchandise, I own about 90% of it so far.

Yup, I own all of those and I love them soooo much. Right now all I'm missing is 2 t-shirts, a hoodie, a pair of earrings and a baseball hat.

But soon... Soon I will be missing 2 more t-shirts that I can't wait to get my hands on.

Returning to Star Wars Weekends at Disney's Hollywood Studios theme park in Lake Buena Vista, Fla. as Celebrity Host of "The Clone Wars: Behind the Force," actress Ashley Eckstein (voice of Ahsoka Tano on Star Wars: The Clone Wars) will also be bringing an all-new, unique range of Star Wars fangirl-focused products to the month-long event at Walt Disney World Resort. Available for the duration of Star Wars Weekends 2011, Eckstein's line of Her Universe apparel and accessories was created as a response to the ever-increasing demand for fashionable "geek chic" products among the growing community of female fans.

In addition to a product line that already includes female-focused shirts and undergarments, Her Universe will be premiering two new shirt designs at this year's Star Wars Weekends event. Featuring images of Jedi Master Yoda and other famous characters from the beloved Star Wars Saga, both designs will be offered in female sizes with female fits -- and, for the first time ever, two popular Her Universe designs will also be available in children's sizes. The new designs will be available exclusively for a limited time at Disney's Hollywood Studios during Star Wars Weekends 2011.  - starwars.com

Oh man, I wish I could make it down to Florida for even one of those weekends! Not only would be awesome to be at Disney World and to meet Ashley Eckstein, but I really want to get my hands on these shirts. The art is by one of my favorite Star Wars artists; Tsuneo Sanda

 

You may recognize the name form a previous entry I did on Star Wars Memorial pictures or from the first Her Universe t-shirt I bought.

All of his art is amazing and I can't wait for them to use even more of it in the future!
So what do you think of these 2 new shirts? Would you wear them?

Roll A D6

Roll a D6 from Connor Anderson on Vimeo.

Any of you gamers out there?

I am. 

I use to rollplay on a pretty regular basis with the guys, but once I moved out of my home town and into the city, I just don't find the time as often to go back and play.

I was introduced to gaming with D&D, but soon became a part of a group playing Dream Park. After the campaign was over we decided to try a new system, a Star Wars system; thus my love of Star Wars and my geekdom were born.

my collection of dice

I've had some pretty awesome characters over the years; my healer Staria from Dream Park, a transport driver named Pluto in Star Wars, one of Padme's former handmaidens from before she died Cassel Danos, and one of my all time favorites, Zeva, my sadistic white mage from Final Fantasy.

I'm actually pretty excited. I'm getting together with some of my old gaming buddies next week for a good old game of Star Wars! YAY!

International Star Wars Day: May the 4th Be With You!

Yup, that's right! It's Star Wars Day!

Every year this comes around and every year I forget about it until someone reminds me. This year I remembered all by myself. Granted, ti was only yesterday, but it's a step up, right?

This year I decided that I should celebrate and make the whole day about Star Wars.

So, here's how my day has gone so far.
I got up this morning, crawled into a nice, steamy, bubble bath and read Champions Of The Force.

I'm about 3/4 of the way through and I'm totally loving this series.
After I got out of the tub I dressed fully in Star Wars.

I wore my Episode I shirt that says May The Force Be With You on the back

My new Boba Fett panties from Her Universe

and blue R2-D2 socks that I don't have a picture of. Oh, and jeans of course, and a bra. (TMI?)

After I ran some quick errands, I came back and decided that a Star Wars marathon was well overdue. I don't think I've had one in over a year, so it's about time.
now I know that most of you are purists and would start with Episode IV, but I'm not that kind of girl

I'm the type of girl who loves Star Wars, all of it. So when I say I'm going to have a marathon, I mean that I start with Episode I, which is exactly what I did.

Why watch this terrible movie, you ask?
I'll give you two reasons:
1) It's Star Wars
2) Padme Amidala's outfits

Mostly this one. Every time I watch this I try and figure out how I can make my own.

After watching Episode I, I took a break, did a bit more reading and started making Geedo's Guts (spaghetti sauce for dinner). I put on some tunes and listened to some Star Wars music (Imperial Death March, Leia's theme, Yoda and the Younglings, and of course Across the Stars)

Once my Greedo's Guts were simmering, I sat down and watched Episode II.
Why, you ask?
See answers 1 and 2 above
3) Yoda and Dooku lightsaber battle
4) Anakin and Padme love story (swoon)

I can keep up with the boys any day of the week, quote Star Wars, play video games and read comics, but there's still that girl inside of me that swoons at a good love story and this one gets me every time.

Anyway, as I watched and cooked, I also coloured in my new Clone Wars colouring book!

Oh yeah! I love me some colouring!

After the movie was over and I was done colouring, I decided to write this blog post. Sadly, it's taken me over 2 hours since I keep getting the lovely blue screen of death and having to restart.
But don't worry, dear readers, I will make sure you get this post on May the 4th and not the next day, because that would be lame of me.

Now I'm off to put on my Star Wars pajamas and to see if I can convince my boyfriend to watch Episode III with me.
Wish me luck! May the 4th be with us all!